Back when I was a mama to one kiddo, I felt very overwhelmed to leave the house. I was scared of my little one crying or having a poo explosion or having to nurse him somewhere.
I was overly anxious about all the negative things that could possibly go wrong and that pessimistic way of thinking made every horrible nightmare come true. I was high stress and not easy going.
Flash forward 2 1/2 years and you would find me a little more organized, a little more happy and a lot more willing to get out of the house. I felt because I had already overcome the hardships with my first baby, I knew what to expect with the second. The older my second child became, the easier it was to take both kids out. I still micromanaged everything they did to avoid toilet accidents, getting hurt and *gasp* crying in public!
For a few months before I delivered the twins I was really concerned about all the things I wouldn't be able to do with my older children. I had heard making the change from two to three children was hard and I was freaked out about the idea of jumping from two to four. As the youngest child of two, I didn't even know what it was like to be part of a family with so many kids. But by golly, I was determined to not regress to my life from before and live as a hermit! I was not going to become a cranky old fat lady wearing nothing but too tight yoga pants eating Cheetos all day while hating everything about small children. I wasn't going to feel that my kids held me back, I decided that they were going to be my little sidekicks on daily adventures. Even if these adventures were "small" and consisted of nothing other than going to the park or out for lunch.
Suddenly having four children has forced me to figure out how to get out of my house and make it work. There are still challenging moments but it's worth it. Some things I've found that have helped me keep my cool and enjoy the outings are:
1. Don't stress the chaos
My oldest child used to be so dependent on me. He was scared to do anything on his own, I had to be with him constantly. Working on a task himself would leave him stressed, anxious and he would lash out at me and in return, I would lash out at him. When I finally opened my eyes and realized that I had babied him in almost every way, I woke up and changed. I let him have more responsibility and I truly stepped back and let him figure out new situations. I used to be so scared of spilt drinks, potty accidents, etc and I would become physically upset if something slightly challenging came my way and, in return, my child became anxious about doing anything for fear of failure. When I finally let go of the anxiety, and came to terms that not everything would go smoothly, I created an environment for my child and me to feel less stress and have room to laugh and have fun. It has changed our relationship for the better. He is still a cautious kid but he is no longer an anxious one.
2. Keep your purse organized
I don't use a diaper bag because I find them annoying and cumbersome. All I need is diapers, a burp cloth, wipes, sleepers and my Costco credit card. I have found that having too much stuff crammed in my purse just gets in my way. I empty my purse every time I come home to keep out garbage of receipts, leaves, snot rags and new rocks for that very important collection my three year old has been working on since last summer. Ladies, it's worth having a light purse! Who want to basically have the weight of another child on their shoulders??? With my first kid, I literally carried just about everything you could possibly need for a baby in my oversized polka dot diaper bag. Oh how far I've come.
3. Make a game plan before you leave
I would label myself as a free spirited planner. This means, I can do last minute fun activities during my twins nap time as long as I have a minute to figure out how I'm going to keep my marbles by the end of the outing. I mentally prepare for all that could go wrong and how I'll handle it. Like today, we went to the movie theatres for Cineplex's Stars and Strollers showing of Zootopia. -an awesome afternoon showing of a new movie where you can go for cheap, take your kids and not worry if they're loud- I prepared myself by figuring out how we would carry our popcorn, pop, how bathroom situations would go, etc. Since I knew exactly what I would do if anything crazy happened, I was able to relax and enjoy the experience with my kids.
4. Laugh when something ridiculous happens
Crap happens constantly. Literally and figuratively with kids. Theres no getting around it. When the ridiculous happens, just laugh about it. I've found from experience it's better to laugh about something that seems bad than to get upset and cause an even worse reaction from your child only to realize later that it wasn't a very big deal. My husband and I have had a lot of ridiculous happen with kids and it makes for great stories later on. OH! Like that time my husband was having a casual business interview while holding our baby daughter and when he lifted her away from his chest he realized she had crapped all over him (long story for why the baby was at the interview). Way to make a great memorable impression, right? He laughed, I laughed, the interviewer laughed. It was stressful then, it's funny now. If there was a freak out in anyway it would have set the tone for the rest of the interview in a very negative way and made my husband look very classless. Just laugh, laughing is always better.
5. Kids cry over dumb things
Babies cry. We all know that. Toddlers cry, thats a given and even first graders have melt downs. It sucks but it happens and don't let anyone tell you that you're a bad parent when it does. Children are bottles of emotion that when slightly shaken up, explode everywhere and cover the room with ugly crying and loud screeching sounds. Learning to cope and, at times, ignore the crying is necessary. I can tell people get annoyed around me when I'm out and both twins are crying, my three year old is yelling about something I can't really understand and my six year old keeps trying to show me a cool ninja move. It can become overwhelming and at times I just have to block it out or leave the room (unless we're in a grocery store, I just pretend I have no idea who the lost children belong to, true story). But don't get too worked up, don't get embarrassed, every other parent knows what its like. Every other parent has experienced what you're experiencing. And as I've been told by many elderly ladies while out with young children, "They're not as loud as you think they are."
6. Help fellow parents
Be kind. Help other mothers and fathers struggling or not struggling with their kids. Hold doors, give an empathetic smile, an honorary parent club fist bump or an encouraging word! Once while in Costco, a mother to teenagers came up to me, placed her hand on my shoulder and told me that I was doing a great job with my kids and I even looked stylish in the process. Bless her heart, she knew I needed that little bit of positivity at that moment. Since having that lovely kind word, I find I try to lend a helping hand and share a kind word with other parents I come across. Trust me, it's the little things.
Spending time out of the house shouldn't be a nightmare but if all else fails, try to remember this: I CAN DO HARD THINGS (cause sometimes bad days happen but you still need to go buy milk)
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